After All This
by Richard Jackson
After all this love, after the birds rip like scissors
through the morning sky, after we leave, when the empty
bed appears like a collapsed galaxy, or the wake of
disturbed air behind a plane, after that, as the wind turns
to stone, as the leaves shriek,…
you are not lost, admit it
you can’t stay long for one particular job
at one particular field
because there are so many things you can do
and there are so many things you can be
so if you are worried about what you’re supposed to do with your life
well, don’t be, because life doesn’t really work like that
do your best with what you are given at this time
even if it’s not something you enjoy
I know you don’t want to be stuck with your job at a restaurant or a coffee shop
or at some office dealing with figures or documents all day
and you hate people you work with
take your time, you are not old, you are not hopeless or a loser because you haven’t ‘settled’ yet
what’s the true definition of settling, anyway?
people get married and have kids and they either live with each other or they get a divorce
or they live with each other yet they don’t get married
or you just happen to be single and stay that way whether you like it
but who’s to say you will be ‘forever alone’? you don’t know that
if you are doing this job for money, then do it for money
and then when the time is right, you will move on to next
there is nothing wrong with you because you haven’t saved money all this time
if one of your family members tries to bring you down by comparing you to others who seemingly succeeded in their view
don’t be angry with them or with yourself, because nobody’s opinion of you is more valuable than yours
and please be patient, life is a slow journey
and there is no other competitors besides you
there is no one else that you need to beat
except your inner demons
if there’s something you feel like you’ll regret it if you don’t do it
then you will do it when the right time comes
and you will know when or how to do it
don’t be frustrated you don’t know anything now, of course you can’t
it goes the same for your lover or soul-mate if you’d like to call it
wouldn’t it be worth all the wait if you can meet them at one point in your life?
I think so, all the loneliness would finally mean something
just don’t forget your dream.
Beautifully put, thanks for sharing this. :)
Me: I’m slowly dying.
My Conscience: Well we’re all slowly dying.
Me: …SHUTUP! (I am a mental person.)
someone once tried to describe to me my inability to accept kindness — “It’s as if you shatter in the sunlight.”
what an awful visual, someone completely falling to pieces because they can’t process kindness. he didn’t mean it as an insult, but I took it as one anyway. he was calling me weak and pathetic. at least, that’s what he was saying in my head.
but I never felt he was wrong. that’s probably why it made me angry. the truths are far more insulting than the lies.
it’s been years since that comment was made, and it’s still bothering me.
I don’t shatter. I’m not that fragile. what I can relate to is being an ant under a magnifying glass. I burst into flames when too much attention is focused on me, or if I’m given too much credit for being me.
I can’t be someone’s someone. I like being one of many. I have great things to offer, but not a lot. I am a tiny supplement. You can hold the magnifying glass on me for a little while, but eventually it will ruin me. Attention and kindness and so many good things, I can’t handle them very well because they feel undeserved. I can fill in the cracks of people’s lives that are just a little bit fractured, but I’d rather be treated like the bandaid I am, not the doctor. There is nothing beyond my (really awesome) surface, and I am afraid of people finding that out if they rely too much on me.
So anyway. No more thoughts about this tonight.